THE 13F MYSTERY: Was it MURDER OR SUICIDE?
Fatal Free-Fall From French Film Femme Fatale's Fifth-Floor Fenetre Fells Feline!

Paris(PPI)-The investigation continues into the mystery surrounding the death of Emmanuelle Béart’s cat.

The small animal either jumped or was pushed from the fifth-floor window of the actress's apartment. The actress was reported to be distressed at the death of her beloved animal named "Mouchie" and was in seclusion following the incident.

However, an investigative team from The Parisite has uncovered intriguing facts concerning the death. The Parisite concludes from the testimony of eyewitnesses that accidental death must be ruled out. It was either murder, suicide, or the result a thrill-seeking feline whose penchant for excitement went awry.

"It was a suicide," claims the actress.


The Parisite newsteam investigation revealed that the time of the incident, the actress lived on the fifth floor of a building which houses a small Left Bank bookstore. A window of the apartment overlooks an airshaft which begins atop said bookstore. On at least one prior occasion, the cat had either jumped or been pushed from the window and landed safely, as cats tend to do, on all four paws at the base of the airshaft.

The Victim's Cousin

On Halloween eve, the cat once again descended the airshaft and landed on all fours. Unfortunately for kitty, this time all fours happen to be on top of a skylight in the bookstore ceiling. Apparently this skylight had been specifically designed to arrest daredevil cats by the inclusion of chicken wire in the glass. Needless to say, the resulting ‘thud’ and shower of glass, fur and viscerals scared the bejesus out of the poor woman who happened to be minding the store. Incredibly despite its lacerations and broken bones the little kitty, identified as 'Mouchie', survived and began screaming mercilessly for this tragedy to end. One of the building residents came to the feline’s assistance and beat it to death with, what initial reports said, was a hammer. A sorrowful end to what had been a lovely pussy.

Yet, the mystery lives on!

Once it became clear that the cat had taken at least one previous dive out of the window, questions arose as to why it happened again.

Certainly, if it had been an accident, the cat would have learned pretty quickly and known better than to do THAT again. Going out a fifth floor window is a fairly memorable experience that most living creatures, other than birds, would not wish to repeat.

Emanuelle Béart, bereaved, shortly after the incident.

So then, what propelled kitty out the chute this final time?

Was it thrill-seeking and the excitement of freefall without a parachute or was it SUICIDE?

Was life in the Béart home so dreadful that the cat tried to take its own life? Not once, but TWICE! And since cats have nine lives, how many times did it really try before it was successful?

Were previous suicide attempts covered up?

Had the cat been exhibiting any outward signs of depression, or other indications that it was comtemplating taking its own life?

Or were Satanic forces at work, driving the tormented cat over the edge?(Or in this case over the ledge?)

And finally, of course, one must ask: “Was kitty pushed?” and, if so, who did the pushing?

With all these questions to ask, The Parisite News Team started to search for the elusive Béart. Scouring the globe, we encountered her in a small, left bank bistro (which happens to serve wonderful food, but more on that later). The actress, at first surprised that Mouchie's previously uncovered tragic fall had been discovered and was now being covered by The Parisite Press, was at a loss to fully explain the incident. "I think she liked to fly," Emmanuelle said, flapping her hands at her side.

When it was pointed out that the previous fall from the window excluded the possibility of accidental death, and perhaps the cat had been pushed, Miss Béart immediately discounted the theory.

"It was a suicide," said the actress.

Accompanying her that evening was ex-husband, actor Daniel Auteuil. He implied something more sinister. "Better the cat than me!" he said with a devilish grin.


And therein lies the tail of Mouchie. Was it murder, suicide, or some sinister power that rules the animal world? We may never know. It could be powers beyond our comprehension, or simply another tragic tail of life in the big city.